Keeping the spark with chronic pain is beyond difficult

Maintaining the spark—what a compelling topic! It’s a question I get asked often: “How do you keep things interesting, especially with your pain issues?” First, I decided to take control of my pain rather than let it control me. I was fed up with missing out on joy and intimacy, so we found ways to navigate those challenges. Today, I want to share some insights on keeping the spark alive with your partner through the struggle of chronic pain!

Let’s face it: being in a long-term relationship requires effort. It’s not quite like what you see in romance movies, and I think many people overlook the fact that this can take a toll on your sex life. Add chronic pain? It’s an entirely new level of difficulty.

A Long Journey

Keeping the spark alive while managing chronic pain can be challenging. The first step is to find ways to alleviate that pain—whether it’s applying ice for twenty minutes, using medications, or any other method that works for you. Once you’ve addressed the pain, explore different positions that might be more comfortable.

There’s nothing worse than being intimate when one partner isn’t fully engaged, especially when pain is involved. It’s essential to communicate! Don’t suffer in silence or make your partner feel unwanted like I used to. Consider picking up some books on sexual positions, game cards, or other resources to discover new ideas. There are countless options out there, and I guarantee you’ll find something that suits you. This advice applies to all couples—shake things up and try something new!

Playing Games with your partner

One thing that we found was really fun for us and helped things spark again was making sex not about the end goal of an orgasm.

It started with me sweet-talking my boyfriend into rubbing my hips (my body is pretty beat up and that releases a lot of pressure in my back.) and somehow that turned to traveling hands, and soft kisses and it got my attention. Sometimes worshiping your partner is all you need.

Another thing you can do is find some fun bedroom questions and naughty things to ask. This can help relax you both and get you in the mood. (Here is our 20 Naughty Questions Game!)

Do something new and fun!

If you’re into porn, talk to your partner about watching some with you. Maybe you guys can take a thing or two out of that and try it on each other. Pick up a couple of erotica books and see what kind of fun things you can pull up from there.

Go out for a nice dinner somewhere new, and let your partner know how much you want them through dinner, and by the time you hit the car, you’ll be racing home to rip each other’s clothes off.

Never Underestimate Teasing

Another really fun one is teasing your partner through the workday. I personally won’t send nude videos/photos but if you’re comfortable, why not? (just make sure it’s someone you trust!) Personally, we like to send quick dirty texts through the day to amp each other up. You may find that doesn’t work for you but maybe it will!

Perhaps your partner’s preferences have changed and they’re too scared to tell you or they found something new they want to try. Talk to them about it! Ask them! Maybe it’s something they secretly wanted to try too. Talking fantasies can get really hot and steamy.

I know it’s easier said than done, but there are countless ways to keep the connection alive both in and out of the bedroom. Often, our partners just want to feel cherished and valued, especially as the honeymoon phase fades. In long-term relationships, it’s easy to overlook this. Make it a point to acknowledge your partner and remind them of your love! You might be surprised by the positive impact it can have.

Make the time

No matter how hectic your week gets, make time for you and your partner. It’s crucial to prioritize each other, and when intimacy starts to take a backseat, it can leave one partner feeling unattractive or unwanted (I know this from experience). So, don’t overlook the importance of nurturing that connection.