Keep the conversation going, whether the relationship is new or old!

Understandably, talking to your partner candidly is hard to do sometimes. Especially if the topics are on a deeper level than anticipated!

Whether you’re embarrassed, you’re simply not sure how to bring a topic up, or you’ve had someone react negatively in the past, there are endless reasons why you might be nervous. Regardless, it’s still really important to have some of the tough conversations with your partner!

1.) What Are Your Turn Ons?

It’s perfectly fine to say ‘Hey, I liked it when you….” or “It gets me going when you…” Your partner might do something and you may not have even known you liked that beforehand – Tell them! Remember, people like to be told what they’re doing right, not just what they’re doing wrong. Sharing what turns you on will only help you both navigate each other in the bedroom long-term.

2.) What Are your turn-offs?

As important as it is to talk about things you like, it’s even more important to talk about what you don’t like. Sometimes the fun of of sex is the exploration but you might not always enjoy what you try. Speak up to your partner and don’t keep doing something that makes you uncomfortable.

3.) What are your favorite sex positions?

Sometimes certain positions can be uncomfortable, other times they hit the spot and allow you to reach the big O! Share your favorites with your partner so you can come back to them next time you play!

4.) What are some fantasies you have?

Whether you actually act them out or not, it can be really, really sexy to hear what’s going on in your partners mind. Sometimes watching porn or reading erotica based on your fantasy can help both of you get going.

5.) Do you currently use any protection?

Don’t just assume someone is on the pill and don’t just assume they got condoms. You’re both equally responsible for protecting yourselves and if the relationship is new, it’s good to check in and make sure you know.

6.) Do you have any STIs?

Don’t EVER be the person that hides their STI from their partner. Don’t put their health at risk because you might be embarrassed. Currently, 25 states have laws against not disclosing your positive HIV status with sexual partners. (This goes for all STIs though. Seriously, some of them can make people extremely sick. Get tested!) It’s also important to note that you should not be embarrassed, there are plenty of ways to continue intimacy with your partner whether or not you have an STI!

7.) Do you like the idea of sexting?

Sexting and nudes are all fun and games until someone screenshots and sends them to someone who has no business seeing your partner’s naked body. Make sure you have firm rules in place before you dive in. But once you do, this can lead to a world of sexy fun!

8.) Do you have any worries about performance in the bedroom?

I know this is a hard topic but this is something important to talk to your partner about. It could help avoid some extremely negative situations during sex and help you assist with their healing. Still, if they refuse to share make sure that you honor that as an answer and a boundary that they do not want to cross.

9.) How often do you want to have sex?

It’s important to talk about your sex drives. I understand that life and your sex drive change, but it’s important to bring that up with your partner. If you want to have sex a lot and they do not, that’s a great conversation to have so you know what needs to be worked on.

10.) How do you feel about cheating and what is cheating to you?

What do you consider cheating? Is it sex only, but teasing and flirting are fine? Is online or written flirting considered cheating? Cheating really is different for everyone and laying that out is a great way to be on the same page!

11.) Are we monogamous? What are our rules?

Lay down the lines. Discuss whether your relationship is monogamous or if you want to try an open relationship. That said, if you decide to have an open relationship, you need to have rules and both of you need to know and respect them or it’ll never work.

12.) Is having a threesome a fantasy of yours?

I think many of us have this fantasy, but it may not be something your partner wants to participate in. Tawney wrote a great blog a few weeks back about approaching the conversation of a threesome – check out this blog.

13.) What is your love language?

We all know the love languages is not something we want to navigate our relationships with. Still, discuss what is most important to you in your relationship whether it’s touch, acts of service, compliments…

14.) How would you describe your sex drive right now?

Sex drive changes over time. It’s a good idea to talk to your partner every so often (six months, a year, whenever) and see where you’re at. Have your sexual desires changed? Are there things you want to try now? Talk about it!

15.) What does consent stand for?

Whether you’re on a one-night stand, a friend, a fuck buddy, a husband/wife, or a boyfriend/girl, consent is extremely important. It can change not just from sexual encounter to sexual encounter by while you’re in the middle of the act. LISTEN to your partner, especially when the word ‘no’ comes out. Discuss how important consent is and ensure you both respect boundaries.

16.) Does the idea of bdsm interest you?

Discuss the idea of a power-play dynamic with your partners before jumping in. Have a safe word, stop if your partner gets uncomfortable, and play everything out verbally before trying. Be sure to do your research!

17.) Do you have any discomfort during sex?

This could be emotional comfort, or internal comfort. Many couples do not discuss slight pain or discomfort during sex and it’s something that not only should be discussed, but can be helped!

18.) Do you want to try toys in the bedroom?

Talk to your partner about toys you want to play with or don’t want to play with. I was SO embarrassed to talk about them at first but once we brought them into the bedroom and added them to our sex romps, it opened a lot of doors. There are so many out there – dildos, vibrators, bullets, cock rings, butt plugs, whips, handcuffs, strap-ons… Do some research, go on some review channel sites, and see what you might be into. They can be a lot of fun. And ladies? If your man talks to you about wanting toys on him, don’t discourage him! Don’t make it weird, I promise, there’s potential to make things REALLY fun!

19.) What is your favorite form of foreplay?

Talk about foreplay and what works for you and what doesn’t – for some people it’s oral, for some, it’s kissing, for some, it’s sending dirty texts throughout the day until you get home and fuck each other! Foreplay starts outside of the bedroom for many, make sure you talk about it!

20.) Is porn okay to watch in our relationship?

Don’t just talk about porn to explore your fantasies but to understand your partner. It’s not a conversation everyone would think to have but having been on the ‘this made me feel like shit’ side of things, it might be worth bringing up. Make sure your partner knows it’s never a reflection of your interest in them and if they don’t want you to watch – don’t! This is a relationship by relationship basis and worth talking about.