Are you looking to dive into bdsm play?

BDSM safety basics

Safety should always come first! When exploring new kinks or experiences, take a moment to consider how your actions could affect the body and the potential risks involved. For example, if you plan to tie up a partner, always have a quick-release strategy in place. My husband and I keep multiple pairs of Temptasia Bondage Scissors nearby whenever we engage in play.

If you’re considering exploring choking, do your research first! While it can be an intense experience, it’s also risky. Never apply pressure to the front of the neck, as the windpipe can fracture with just five pounds of pressure.

It’s always better to be cautious, so take the time to cover all your safety bases before trying anything new.

Communication

Communication is essential in any relationship. Without it, you and your partner are left guessing, which leads to misunderstandings. Without clear communication, it’s hard for a relationship to grow in a healthy way.

When exploring kinks or new activities, take time to discuss concerns, boundaries, and expectations. Before bringing out anything like rope, talk about hard limits, safety, and anything else that comes to mind. Without open communication and research, what should be an exciting experience can quickly become uncomfortable or even dangerous.

A safe word is a must. My husband and I use “red” to indicate a hard stop—something is wrong—and “yellow” to signal I’m approaching my limit. If you use a gag, make sure there’s a physical sign, like tapping, to signal “STOP.” Never hesitate to communicate how you’re feeling. Reaching a limit or voicing concerns ensures safety and comfort for both of you.

Trust & Research

In a sub/dom, slave/master, or pet/owner relationship there needs to be trust- period. Personally one of my favorite things about being a submissive is relinquishing control. I have a Dom that I trust without question. I can trust him because he’s proven to me he will respect my boundaries and has done research into how to safely embark on new experiences. 

If you want to try impact play (spanking, flogging, paddles, etc.) think about the tools you’ll want to try. Impact toys have a wide range of feelings on the skin. If you start to explore different toys you might find you or your partner prefer “thuddy” impact over the sting of a cane. Through play and over time, I’ve discovered I prefer the thud of a large flogger over the concentrated sting of a riding crop. Everybody is different! 

If you want to practice shibari, learn some basic ties before tying up your partner so you can go into the session with confidence. Using a simple hand tie can be enough to bring an entirely different feel to the session. There’s no need to overcomplicate things the first go! Even after years of play, my husband and I use a simple hand bind the most. In any bondage or impact play scenario, think about safety and how you’ll communicate. An open line of communication goes a long way in building trust between a sub and a dom. 

Aftercare

 Aftercare is huge in any emotional or rough play. This is a part of BDSM, or really any sexual act, that is crucial. Aftercare could be anything from cuddles to washing your partner. It’s about seeing and fulfilling your partner’s emotional and physical needs. There were a few sessions we tried to really push the limits and I ended up struggling with my emotions. Take time to cuddle, caress, and kiss it all better- whatever it is you have to do to show your partner you appreciate them.

My favorite aftercare is showering with my dom. He’ll wash me, tell me words of affirmation, and then we take a well deserved nap! The aftercare routine will grow differently for each sub, but I recommend starting with soft touches and cuddles. If something still isn’t right, talk it out. Talk about the session; what worked and what was too much?

Conclusion

So, to sum it up, start with a conversation, do your research and build trust, take time to care for your partner and alwasy practice safe sex! There’s an entire world of desire waiting to be explored. My husband and I chose to explore it together and it’s been a treat. 

There are no stupid questions, just remember you and your partner are on the journey together. If you feel awkward – that’s okay! Confidence will come with time and you, and your partner, will grow with each other. 

Not sure how to talk to your partner about getting started? Try our Naughty 20 Questions Game!