Kinks and Fetishes are very different.

Today, I want to clear up the confusion between kinks and fetishes. For the longest time, I didn’t fully understand the difference. Mostly because the English language loves to throw around synonyms that is a bit misleading. But, as it turns out, there is a difference! Fetishes are kinky, but kinks aren’t necessarily fetishes. Curious? Let me explain why.

To start, it’s important to understand how the two terms are actually defined:

Kinks

By definition, a kink is a ‘peculiarity or deviation in sexual behavior or taste’ (according to dictionary.com) but a kink is also something that turns a person on while being outside of the norm. These are many different things and it isn’t necessarily anything to do with BDSM, either. Although BDSM is considered kink, it doesn’t mean that a kinky person is -into- BDSM – get it?

Sex is normal and so are the things that turn us on. Even if others think it might be outside the box. There does seem to be one ideation of sex that people seem to follow as normal (I think that lays somewhere in the male/female couple having missionary style sex). Kinks are outside of that societal norm but that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with them.

One thing that’s super important to understand about kinks is that it focuses more on the person that it’s being done with rather than the desire itself.

Fetishes

A fetish is also a sexual arousal but it focuses on an object or particular part of the body that usually wouldn’t be sexual (an example of that is someone’s feet or even their hair.) instead of the person. Usually, this means the person with the fetish won’t always enjoy themselves without being able to fulfill their desires. So for example, someone with a foot fetish probably isn’t going to be able to enjoy themselves without feet being involved. That said, there are different levels of a fetish. Some get by with just imagining what their fetish is while some really can’t and they need to act on that specific desire.

Fetishes and Kinks don’t have to be over-the-top wild acts either. Some are relatively vanilla and some stretch to the realms of being extreme with everything in the middle. What you find to be a turn on is typically okay and I encourage people to explore their sexuality without feeling like they’re being put into a box. That isn’t for the world to decide, it’s you and your partner.

As always though, please make sure all sex is consensual and all partners are of age.

Make sure you have these important conversations with your partner and for the riskier things, it’s vital to have a safe word. As much as you enjoy your desires, you want to keep your partners safe and comfortable too.

Not sure how to start a conversation with your partner regarding kinks and fetishes? Try our Naughty 20 Questions Game!