Holding your limits is empowering

No one knows your body more than you do even if you’re still exploring. It’s important to know you must always feel comfortable. But what limits should we set and how do we set them?

It is not only powerful to make boundaries for ourselves, but it is also liberating and necessary to ensure you remain healthy and happy.

You are in charge of your limits

You know your body, you know your comfort zones and it’s vital to not allow someone to bully you out of them. We still live in a world where it’s socially acceptable to push ourselves beyond our comfort zones and that needs to change.

Having a conversation about needs and limits is often overwhelming and difficult to dive into. Like with most things, comfort comes with practice. If we can’t voice our sexual needs to the person we are sleeping with, who can we voice them to?

You do not need to have a reason why something is a hard limit for you, nor do you need to explain it to someone. Sex and the vulnerability around sex must be supported with understanding and patience.

Conversation about limits Before sex

Limits are one of the most important topics you and your partner can discuss and you must talk about them before you start having a sexual relationship. You may also find that you might be into something while talking about it but when it comes down to it, you hate it and that’s OKAY! It could be a kink that’s reserved for your dream fantasies and not so much sex with your partner.

What are soft limits?

Soft limits are things you’re curious about in the bedroom but you’re not entirely sure if it’s something you want to continue. For example – hair-pulling, spanking, and perhaps name-calling.

Soft limits are a continuation of exploration with your partner. They can be navigated carefully and are a great way to gauge the direction of our play and whether or not you want to continue.

What are hard limits?

Limits set in place for things you ABSOLUTELY will not do. No means no – your partner should respect ALL of your limits and take special care not to dip into your hard limits whatsoever.

Limits can and do change and it is important to communicate with your partner when they do. Your partner is not a mind reader and this is a topic you must be comfortable discussing.

Sex is supposed to be a safe place where you can be vulnerable with your partner and engage in pleasurable actions that do not leave you feeling unsafe.

Safe words

It’s necessary to have a safe word you can call when you want things to stop. Give your partner a word to tap out if it gets to that point.

Discuss a non-verbal safe word that can be used in cases where you might experience sensation overload or are unable to use your hands or mouth (such as bondage situations).

If you find something changes and you’re no longer into an act or discover you are into something, discuss it. Communication is key and it will make your relationship stronger.

Keep it safe, keep it consensual, communicate with your partner(s), and most of all, have fun!